DEAD!

I don't know whether its the meds I'm currently on... but I feel pretty depressed lately. Not anything hectic, just starting to feel and think things that I thought I was over long time ago. I think the weather is contributing to it as well. 

I  am so tired of trying to keep it up. At the beginning of this term I promised myself  that I was going to be more confident and be nothing but myself.  It started out great, but progressively the idea faded and I feel like I did a long time ago when things weren't going to great. Although its proving difficult when you feels like everybody thinks your boring.

I'm just tired, sick and tired. I have to get back into the habit of being confident. Who cares what people think? I am not going to spend all my thoughts and regrets trying to impress and make friends with people who don't appreciate my company. Although I have this OCD when it comes to keeping people happy. I will do anything to keep people happy with me and with each other. I am quite conflict averse. 

I don't want to wish for the future, because I don't want to wish away my life. People should make their own decisions and if those don't include me, then that's just the way it is. Not everything is an attack on me, I am not a victim, I just think that I should be. 

P.S. if you ever make a Facebook event for your birthday and invite like 80 people, don't make it an open event. It's really awkward and depressing if you weren't invited.... oh well! I DON'T CARE! (self affirmation works wonders) In all honesty though, I shouldn't care.